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A leaflet to help pastors, parish pastoral councils and welcoming teams.
A large print MS Word version of
the leaflet for printing on to off-white or pale yellow paper.
“I’m not alone at home, but I feel
alone at church.”
“Although they didn’t convert with
me, my family supported me when I decided to become Catholic. I’m happy
to come to Church on my own, but sometimes parish expectations make me
feel guilty that my family aren’t with me.”
“Why should I go to Mass when my dad
doesn’t?”
“Other parishioners say, ‘You never
come to any of our things,’ but when I tell them that I don’t want to
go alone and my husband wouldn’t be comfortable, they just look blank,
and I feel like screaming!”
“My children no longer believe; I feel
that I have failed.”
“My wife’s not Catholic but she
really supports me in my faith and my work in the parish. However, in 25
years of marriage, she’s never been invited to so much as a single
Church social. It’s as if she doesn’t exist.”
“If I go with you on Sunday, I might lose my place on the team.
Church is your thing, I don’t know if I believe anymore!”
“How can I persuade my children to
come to Mass with me when they and my wife want a lie-in?”
“We’re really sad that our own
children don’t go to Church now. We’d love to share our faith with our
grandchildren, but don’t know how to do it without being seen as
interfering.”
“I feel like church
always assumes two committed parents; it’s not my fault I’m on my
own.”
Invite,
include, involve
- Affirm
that the non-believer matters by knowing them by name, answering
questions etc
- Encourage
without putting pressure on – if non-believers come to church
don’t look for signs of conversion. Respect difference.
- Allow
young people to contribute to parish life: belonging banishes boredom!
- Recognise
non-Churchgoing family members – treat everyone with respect
- Get
to know people, build relationships so that people’s different
situations can be discerned.
- Support
lone parents with their children at Mass - be available if they need
extra help with their children during
Mass.
- Avoid
jargon and “them and us” attitudes
- Meet
people where they are comfortable. Think about physical environment, eg meetings at home?
- Make
full use of opportunities for contact presented by the liturgical year
and sacramental preparation programmes.
It’s
especially vital to remember that families who don’t share faith in God
have, like all families, much to offer the church. There is thus a
challenge, not only in serving their needs, but in enabling each family
member to contribute to the life and mission of the parish as full members
of the Body of Christ.
Books:
J.
Odell, When Your Husband Doesn’t
Believe, CWR Publishing, 2005
Author’s experience from evangelical viewpoint
A.
Dowsing, A Marriage in Our Time,
Sheed and Ward, 2000 Author’s marriage to a non-believer in light of
Catholic Church teaching and society today
How
to Survive Being Married to a Catholic,
Redemptorist Publications, 2004
Cartoon format but with depth for
those looking in from the outside.
Resources:
Skills training for living with difference are crucial: parishes can make
a significant difference by offering opportunities to explore and practice
these. Well respected are the range of inexpensive kits available from the
Family Caring Trust. www.familycaring.co.uk
Guilt-Free
Parenting, a video series by David Wells and the Baptism course
produced by CAFE have been found to be sensitive to families in this
situation.. www.catholicevangel.org
Family
Groups Movement offers a structure of home-based communities where
families of all kinds can negotiate their level of involvement. www.pfgm.org
Documents:
Mixed
Marriages: A Revised Directory.
Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and
Wales
, 1990 Available online at www.catholic-ew.org.uk
See
also Familiaris Consortio
(especially section 78), Lumen
Gentium and Gaudium et Spes. Available
online from www.vatican.va or from
Catholic booksellers
Links:
www.homefaith.com
www.caseresources.org.uk
www.wellsprings.org.uk
www.careforthefamily.org.uk
www.bethanyfamilyinstitute.com
Prayer is vitally important, both for
families who are involved in the Church, and for those who aren’t.
For those who do not believe in God:
”Let us pray for those who do not
believe in God,
that
they may find Him by sincerely following all that is right.” [From
the ‘General Intercessions for Good Friday’]
For those who do not attend Church:
God, I am not sure if you really
exist. Accept me with all my doubts and fears and show yourself to me in
such a way that I can somehow move forward. Show yourself to me as love,
forgiveness, new life, as the promise of a new beginning. Help me in my
weakness and doubt as I open my heart to you, to know your love for me.
[From www.life4seekers.co.uk]
Reflecting on Scripture
“Be tactful with those who are not Christians and be sure you make the
best use of your time with them. Talk
to them agreeably and with a flavour of wit, and try to fit your answers
to the needs of each one.”
Col
3:5-6
“For
the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the
unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.”
1Cor
7: 14
“Do not let
your hearts be troubled. Trust in God still… there are many rooms in My
Father’s house.” Jn 14:1-2
Remember too:
-
Christmas,
Easter, Baptisms, Marriages and Funerals are excellent opportunities
for welcoming those
who only attend Church occasionally.
-
Offer
opportunities such as healing services or renewal of marriage vows at
times when people who
don’t usually go to Church feel more comfortable about attending.
-
Make
sensitive use of Prayers of the Faithful:
eg “We pray for all our family members not here with
us. We thank God for those who support us in our faith.”
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