What is life like if you or someone in your family is gay or lesbian in their sexual orientation? And what can your parish family do to make a difference?

A leaflet to help pastors, parish pastoral councils and welcoming teams

A large print MS Word version of the leaflet for printing on to off-white or pale yellow paper.

“As a group that has suffered more than its share of oppression and contempt, the homosexual community has a particular claim on the concern of the church.”                    CBCEW Catholic Social Welfare Commission, 1979

What is Life Like?
Challenges for the Parish
Prayer and Liturgical Opportunities
Resources
Sources of Further Support
Additional Church Documents and Resources (This section was added in April 2009)

What is Life Like? | Back to top

During Listening 2004 we heard that:

 “The continual message from the church is that homosexuality is so, so dreadful. Our gay son just hasn’t stood a chance.”

“My brother is gay; the church has been very intolerant of him.”

At one diocesan family listening day participants listened to the hurt experienced by a family as a result of prevailing attitudes towards homosexuality.

“Mr D discovered some years ago that his son was gay. He tried to talk to a fellow parishioner about his concern, but quickly realised from the extremely hostile, disparaging remarks made that this was not a good idea. The parish priest reacted in a similarly prejudiced way. Mr D’s wife chose to ignore the situation. Mr D feels angry, frustrated and totally rejected by the church. He now knows to follow his wife’s lead and keep quiet. There seems nowhere to turn. In his mind there is little hope for the future.”

And we also heard that:

 “If we are to reach out to all, we must dare to hold out our hands. …We must respond to people who are gay or lesbian. They should not feel marginalized.”

Challenges for the Parish| Back to top

Being welcomed and participating in their local faith community is the foundation of spiritual support that the Church offers to baptised persons with a homosexual inclination and their families. Parishes can take a number of steps to ensure that individuals and families feel welcome:  

• Be aware of how marginalised some families facing these challenges feel within the Church. Form links with other parishes to share information and build networks of mutual support.  Try to establish or promote support groups for parents and family members.   

• Try not to assume everyone is heterosexual; reflect this in language and conversation. When speaking publicly, use the words "homosexual," "gay," and "lesbian" in honest and accurate ways.  Avoid stereotyping and condemning. Do not presume that all homosexual persons are sexually active.

• Remember that homophobic jokes and asides can be cruel and hurtful; a careless word can mean another experience of rejection and pain.

• Establish what appropriate local help and support are available and make contact information easily accessible on notice boards and in leaflets.

• Enable the parish to be informed about Church teachings and Catholic writing on the subject. Keep copies of documents in the parish library.

• Check the local school policies on bullying and equality – children sometimes use the word ‘gay’ as a term of abuse.

Prayer and Liturgical Opportunities| Back to top

It’s always important to provide information about opportunities in the local area for moral and spiritual support for homosexual Catholics and their families.

Homilies and bidding prayers are excellent opportunities to demonstrate awareness and compassion and express appreciation for the gifts that Catholics in all their diversity bring to their faith community.

God of intimacy, you surround us with friends and family to cherish and to challenge. May we so give and receive caring in the details of our lives that we also remain faithful to your greater demands, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.                           (Janet Morley)

Heavenly Father, You made us in your own image, and in the life and death of Jesus, your Son, revealed your infinite love for all God’s family.  Help us to cherish the gift of sexuality and use our talents to affirm one another in the building of your kingdom. Amen.

Resources| Back to top

There are a range of Church documents which describe the teaching of the Church and address the pastoral care of homosexual persons:

Cherishing Life. Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales. London: CTS, 2004.  (Scroll down if necessary to locate the document)

A Note Concerning the Teaching of the Catholic Church Concerning Homosexual People. Cardinal Basil Hume. 1997.

Always Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents of Homosexual Children and Suggestions for Pastoral Ministers. USCCB 1997

An Introduction to the Pastoral Care of Homosexual People. CBCEW Catholic Social Welfare Commission, 1979  

In some dioceses a priest is appointed to take special responsibility for pastoral care of homosexual people. In other dioceses the marriage and family life ministry coordinator keep details of support services or help lines.

Sources of Further Support| Back to top

Catholic Marriage Care offer a national telephone helpline which provides a listening and information service for people facing difficulty in their families or close personal relationships. The service is offered on a non-judgmental basis to the whole community.

Families facing difficulty in coming to terms with the sexual orientation of a spouse, parent, child or sibling are invited to speak in confidence by dialling 0845 660 6000. (Lines open Monday to Friday 10 am – 4 pm . All calls charged at local rate).

This leaflet was first published in May 2007 with the e-text amended in March & April 2009.

Additional Church Documents and Resources

Catechism of the Catholic Church. Sections 2357-59

Instruction concerning the criteria for the discernment of vocations with regard to persons with homosexual tendencies in view of their admission to the seminary and to Holy Orders. Congregation for Catholic Education 2005

Considerations regarding proposals to give legal recognitions to unions between homosexual persons. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 2003

Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the pastoral care of homosexual persons. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 1986