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Consider the following case studies in small groups. Perhaps some of these questions will help to stimulate conversation:

1. In what ways might the individuals and whole families described experience church? What might their perceptions be of their local church?
   
   
2. How might these families, including individual children and adults, be helped to feel welcome and comfortable members of the worshipping community? How might they be encouraged or enabled to attend Mass together?
   
   
3. What practical innovations might our church make to enable the families described find church life and Sunday Mass more friendly and relevant to their current situations?
   
   
4. What support might these families need in addition to church services and current church activities?
   
   
5. How could we show them that we care about the personal challenges they are facing?
   
   
6. Think of the families on the fringes of our church, and those in our local community. What difference might it make to them if our church became more family-friendly?
   
   
7. When this family walks though our church-doors, what might they need practically, relationally and spirituality, to help them feel welcome?
   
   
8. What might their hopes be for belonging to a church community? What might they offer to the community and what might they receive?
   
   
9. What can the local priest and church community do to help ‘bear the burdens’ of this family, rather than add to them?
   
   

NB: All these case studies are based on real life stories shared in response to the Listening 2004 initiative. Names and other details have been changed.

1. Bill and Madeleine Gilmartin

Bill and Madeleine Gilmartin appreciate that their experience of family life is not necessarily typical – they have a stable home, are married, they own their own home and are fairly comfortable. They describe their family life as being “at the centre of our individual and collective existence.” They cannot see that this would be different were they living now or at another time. They see many distractions and harmful influences in today’s society but also many positive aspects of living during this time and they accept the challenge of passing on their own values to their children.

2. Sue and Kevin Streatham

Sue and Kevin Streatham have been married for 9 years and are the parents of three children ages 9, 8 and 6. They experience enormous financial pressures. “Money is an issue, and we both have to work to sustain a minimum living standard for the family. Working means that you cannot be there for the children when they might need you. Schools put an extra burden on the children with the constant treadmill of exams and assessments. Do they really need that? Working shifts means my husband and I see little of each other and our motivation dries up at 11 p.m. at night when I come home.”

3. Michael Moloney

Michael Moloney’s wife left him and their three children shortly after their youngest child started school 18 months ago.  Michael was surprised and devastated and still feels both pain and shame about his situation. He loves his wife and still hopes for her return. When she comes to see the children once a month he makes a great effort to repair their relationship, even though he knows she is with someone else. Michael lives in a two-bedroom flat and has had great difficulty maintaining his job since having to care for his three children alone. Financial pressures and long working hours make life difficult for him. There is little time to spend with the children who often fight with each other. Getting to church on time is a weekly nightmare and when he does get there he feels that he is treated as a leper. There is no way for him to meet other Catholic families, as people at church generally do not talk and rush away at the end of Mass.

4. Paula and Graham Somerfield

Paula and Graham Somerfield have been married for nearly 40 years. They have had their share of severe illness and struggle but have always been active in the church and especially in the Marriage Encounter movement. They are distressed by the lack of encouragement for marriage that they experience in the church. “In our parish, there is a culture that marriage is a private affair,” says Graham.   “Married couples are expected to be self sufficient in terms of their relationship.”  Paula and Graham have raised their concerns with their parish priest during a parish mission two years since. Nevertheless they feel as if their views sank into a ‘black hole’ and they long for the opportunity to be drawn into a closer and more tangible relationship with the Church.

5. Catherine and James Wardell

Catherine and James Wardell have been married for over 40 years. Sadly the years have seen them grow apart. Catherine identifies her growing incompatibility with her spouse as her major difficulty at home: “We have grown to be very different from when we married.” With a disabled child to care for Catherine receives tremendous strength from the Holy Spirit and tries to “be Eucharist” for all she meets. Sadly she finds little community life in her parish and sees home-based groups as the way ahead for the church.

6. Jeremy and Hannah Jacobs

Jeremy and Hannah Jacobs discovered some years ago that their son was gay.  Jeremy was very distressed and tried to talk to a fellow parishioner about his concern. Sadly he quickly realised from the extremely hostile and disparaging reaction he got that this was not a good idea. The parish priest reacted in a similarly prejudiced way. Hannah chose to cope with the situation by refusing to talk about it or even acknowledge it. Jeremy feels angry, frustrated and totally rejected by the church. He loves his son but he now knows to follow his wife’s example and keep quiet. There seems nothing else for him to do.